I love people and as far as I can remember, I have always loved people. When I invited Jesus into my life as a young, 21 year old man, my love for people deepened and widened. It did not matter who they were, what their social status, or how they lived. I seemed to be especially drawn to those labeled by some as unlovable. Forgiving those who wronged me seemed to come easy. I can’t really explain this kind of love other than it was a God thing for me.

I learned early in life that the deeper you love the greater the risk of very, deep hurt. Even with that knowledge, I chose to love vulnerably.  The thing I discovered was that to the depth we are willing to love vulnerably, risking the possibility of being hurt, we experience the joy of love. I have spent most of my life willing to take the risk and have reaped a deeply fulfilling life. I will admit that there were times that the risk went the other way and the depth of hurt made me question the worth.

There came a moment in my life when the hurt was so deep and so widespread that I did not want to do life anymore. I lost focus in a bad way. Rather than loving unconditionally, I began to look around me for those loving me back. I found very few. The demands for my love seemed to far outweigh what was coming back to me. I was confused. Had I loved others so I would feel loved by others? I was not sure. Years of loving vulnerably seemed to result in a trampled heart. Was it all in vain? I had begun to think so.

This crisis left me feeling unloved. It left me feeling like a total failure. Had I been insane all those years to love vulnerably? I felt empty and alone in a big world. I had never felt this way before and didn’t know what to do with the emotions. I felt like I didn’t want to be in this world anymore. I had always lived my life to the fullest and now I did not want to live it at all. I didn’t even feel loved by God. He seemed nowhere to be found in my moment of desperation. I had gotten so far down that I thought my wife and kids would be better off if I were not in this world.

I finally came to my senses enough to realize that my family needed me. Sense I was not going to leave this world yet, I would have to figure out how to live in it. I decided to build a fortress around my heart, be nice to people but never love fully. No one but my family would ever get that deep love from me again.

I discovered a real problem with my new way of thinking. When you build a fortress around your heart, you cannot love anyone vulnerably. Not even your family. Living in my little fortress was a lonely place to live. I found myself unable to forgive those who had hurt me and I had never felt this way before. Anger and resentment began to build. I had an “I don’t care attitude.” I found myself becoming very selfish. It was ugly!

My two best friends sat me down one day and had a long talk with me. They told me that I was not the same person I used to be. They told me that my attitude stunk and that I was destroying everything and everyone around me. They shared with me that the anger and bitterness that I thought I was hiding was not hidden at all and I was fooling no one but myself. They told me that they loved me and wanted me to find the heart I used to have. (I am sitting here in tears as I write, thinking about it. Thank you Travis and Amy for loving me enough to be honest with me.)  My dear friends got me a cabin in Pigeon Forge for three nights to get alone with God and find my heart again.

The first night in that cabin was the loneliest I had ever felt in my life. I felt sorry for myself and blamed everyone but myself for my condition. I was an angry man. The next two days would be life changing for me though. I won’t go in to the details but there was a lot of forgiving and asking for forgiveness that happened in me. I told God I wanted to love again, fully and vulnerably. I left that little retreat empty of myself and ready to love again. The anger was gone and my heart was free. The fortress had been crushed. I left there a different man.  It would take a couple years before I was completely healed but it happened.

I have tried it both ways and I will tell you that loving vulnerably is the only life worth living. I love deeper now than I ever have. I cherish it more than ever because I see how easy it is to lose. I am enjoying life to the fullest. I am more grateful for the little things in life. I am so glad that I did not give up on life. I am so glad I did not give up on God. I am so glad I did not give up on people. I am crazy loving life and I crazy love you!

You may be reading this and have been thinking that life is not worth living and that loving is not worth the pain. I promise you it is. Forgive those who have hurt you. Get alone with God for a couple days and be painfully honest. Break down that fortress that you are hiding behind and start loving again. Love recklessly! Love vulnerably! Let the love of God in you love others through you! You will once again or maybe for the first time, enjoy life! By the way, Jesus loves YOU with crazy, unconditional love!

I remember my first high dive experience as a kid, as if it were yesterday. I stood on the side of the pool watching my friends and others dive or jump from the high dive at the municipal pool. They hounded me about taking the leap but I wasn’t so sure about it. At that age, I was not sure if the risk involved and the vulnerability required was worth it. I did not fear the risk of injury but that I would mess up and become the laughing stock of the entire community of pool worshippers.

I noticed that the girls seemed to be impressed with the HD’s (high divers). They had grown out of being impressed with my ability to swim from one end of the pool to the other under water without coming up for a breath. Since I was 12ish and 6 year olds could do that, I had to take the next step to manhood to regain the attention of the 12 year old, girls. The HD was my only hope.

I decided to face my fears of humiliation and go for the gusto. Really, how hard could it be anyway? The guys and gals doing it made it look fun and easy. I made my decision and headed for the board. I continued to move forward in the line, which extended a few feet from the ladder, up the ladder and ended at the top on the board.

When I made it to the top and onto the board for my turn, my head started to spin. I began to imagine all that could go wrong. I began to inch my way to the end of the board that looked much smaller from my new vantage point. As I stood there, the whole world seemed to stop. It felt like everyone had stopped talking and had their eyes on me. “What if I look stupid,” I thought. “What if I lose my trunks?” I wasn’t ready for the world to see my private parts (not that I ever would be ready for the world to see my private parts). The potential for humiliation swirled through my mind at neck breaking speed.

I wanted to slowly bend down, get on my hands and knees, crawl back off the board and head back down the ladder. At that moment, I had the choice of moving forward or crawling back. The price seemed high either way. If I moved ahead, I could lose my trunks or look stupid and be humiliated, but I would know that I went for it. If I crawled back, I would spend the rest of my life afraid to come out of my house. I would never have a job, a wife, children or self-esteem. At the very least, I would spend the rest of my life in therapy and have to move to another state. I made my decision.

I stood on the end of the board preparing myself for the dive. I was not ready to use the spring in the board yet so I decided to do a non-spring loaded dive. I bent over at the waste, pointed my head downward and extended my arms with my fingers pointed toward the water. I stood there in the shape of an upside-down U. I assumed my legs and feet would automatically go up and follow my body into the water. They didn’t. I left the board, headed toward the water but my position never changed. I hit the water in the exact same bent over upside-down U shaped position that I left the board.

Ouch! It felt like someone had hit me in the chest and my belly was burning as if someone had set me on fire. There was no need to worry about the trunks coming off. The way I hit the water, my trunks had become a thong. I wasn’t so sure I would be able to dig them out. That was my first and last time of wearing a thong and that one was not intentional. Still under water, I was hoping that some huge drain would just suck me in and spit me out in a private location. Didn’t happen! I headed to the top of the water when I realized there was no escape. I just knew everyone would be staring and laughing at me when I crested the water. They were not laughing at all. They were cheering. That was the coolest thing they had ever seen, a belly buster off the HD! Obviously, I was not the first person to do that since it already had the name belly buster.

I was a hit that day, red belly and all! I am not sure but I think they thought I did that on purpose. The rest of the day, the girls called the boys chicken for not being willing to do a belly buster from the high dive, like Bud.  It ended up being a great day for Bud!

I learned something that day. Life has a way of presenting us with opportunities to move forward or crawl back. To move forward seems risky, difficult and requires vulnerability. It will move us from our comfort zone and demand that we reach down inside and find courage. To crawl backwards requires nothing but giving in to our fears. Fearing the outcome and fearing what others will think can paralyze us. I can tell you from much experience that the greatest moments of my life were the ones where I chose to move forward, trusting God, instead of crawling backwards. Seize the moment and move forward my friends, the opportunity may only knock once!

PS. The trunks came out easily and no surgery was required! Thank God!

Don’t forget to click comment below and tell me what you think!

My name is Bud and I am a hugger. They say the first thing toward getting help is to admit you have a problem. I admit it! I am addicted! I am a hugger! I really think hugging is a good thing. Studies show that we all need a few hugs every day. Was there really a need to do a study to discover that? I guess if we need to do a study on why cow manure stinks, we would have to do a study on hugging.

Hugs are funny things. Being a hugger, I have had many opportunities to discover the various ways people hug…….or do not hug. Some people are one-arm huggers. They hug with one arm because two-arm hugs are just a little too intimate.  They will embrace you with one arm while the other dangles to the side. I wonder if the dangling arm ever gets lonely. Right handed, one-arm huggers usually leave the left arm dangling and left handed people leave the right arm dangling. Do you think the dangling arm ever gets tempted to get in on the action or is it satisfied to dangle, while the hugging arm hugs?

Some people guard their personal space like Fort Knox. They have their own version of “Homeland Security.” They have special radar that goes red when they sense an oncoming hug. When their little “Oncoming” alarm goes off, they have a split second to place an arm in front of their body to ward off the oncoming hug. That arm usually comes in the form of a handshake.

I remember preaching in Nashville some years ago. Upon meeting the pastor of the church that I was preaching in, I went in for the double (two-arm hug). This guy was good. I think he may have been a Ninja because he had his blocking arm up before I knew what hit me. It was almost as if he had a third arm that he used only for hug blocking. Blockers use the elbow extended version. That means you will get no closer than the length of their arm from the shoulder to the elbow as it extends forward. Some use the fully extended arm, which means you will get no closer than the length of their arm from the shoulder to the hand. Since I am fast, and I probably do not look like a hugger, I caught him off guard enough to make it past the fully extended arm and caught an elbow right in my chest. I did not try again.

There are also, the “I will hug you but I really don’t want to huggers.” It does not come natural for them but you have to give them credit for trying. They are more conscious of what to do with all of their parts than on hugging. They think too much about it. I think there is a fear that if they go the wrong way with their head, they may end up getting a kiss rather than a hug. They usually do a little blocking but it is more subtle and probably sub-conscious. The blocking comes from the shoulder because they do not know what to do with it. They also struggle with arm placement and which arm goes over and which goes under.

The last type of hugger that I will discuss is the double hugger. That is what I am. The double hugger throws caution to the wind and just goes in for the two-arm embrace. We start in with the erroneous assumption that everyone is a double hugger. Now understand, for we doublers, it is not a sensual embrace, it is a “Glad to see you my friend,” embrace. I come by it honest though. When we go to visit my mom and dad, as soon as we pull into the driveway, mom is out the door onto the porch ready to dish out hugs. It does not matter who it is. You do not get into the house without a warm double from mom. Waiting patiently inside the door of the house is my dad. You cannot get further than the doorway without a second double from dad. Once you make it to the living area, it is a free for all with everyone else in the family or not in the family, hugging. Once the hugs are done, it is time to eat.

Hugging is a good way to say, “I love you.” Kids need hugged, often. Adults need hugged, often. Especially, the ones who think they do not need it. Don’t worry, I will honor your personal space and if you are uncomfortable, I will be careful. If you want to, I will give you a big ole double bear hug with a shoulder pat on the side.

It is okay if you are not a, “Throw caution to the wind” double hugger like me. There are a few people that need a daily hug though. That is the people living in your house. Hug the people in your home like crazy. Studies show that it makes a difference!!!

Papaws are awesome! I only knew one of my papaws because my mom’s dad died when she was young. The papaw I knew was my dad’s dad. He was a hoot! As a boy, I loved to go to his house to spend the night. It was an old house with no running water and an outhouse for taking care of business. If you had to go, you either, had to use a “Pot” or go to the outhouse. For those who may not know, an outhouse was a toilet outside and a pot was something you did your business in and then had to carry it out to the outhouse to empty it. I really didn’t much like using the outhouse because I always imagined a spider or snake biting me in the rear. 

Papaw lived the simple life. I can still remember one night I saw him walk through the house in his long-johns with the back flap open. I had never seen anything like that before. I am talking about the flap! I remember when it was time for a bath mamaw would get the washtub out, heat up the water on the coal stove and scrub us down. I think I lost a layer of skin at every bath with that scrubbing. She must have thought kids were real dirty little creatures.

My cousin Rod and I usually never wasted the time walking all the way to the outhouse when we had to do number one. Number one is pee for those who may not know. We usually just walked out to the back porch and let it rip. We would try to find ants or spiders to shoot (pee on) in the process. We learned about the porch trick from papaw. He would not let us do number two from the porch though.

One of my favorite things to do was gather the eggs for breakfast from the various places the chickens laid them. They seemed to like the smokehouse and the coalhouse the best. The eggs were not the only part of the chicken we ate. We ate the whole thing. I remember the first time I saw papaw chop off a chickens head. That thing ran around without a head and freaked me out. I had nightmares about being, chased by headless chickens for weeks.

Papaw had an apple orchard and we kids got in trouble for throwing rotten apples at cars more than once. Papaw taught us how to slide an apple on the end of a stick and sling it off like a slingshot. I don’t think he intended for us to use that knowledge on cars. We never had trouble finding something to do at papaws house. Sometimes it was stuff we should not have been doing like chasing the chicken around and driving them insane. Because of us kids, I think some of those chickens hoped they would be the next supper.

Papaw and mamaw lived in an old farmhouse. It was rough. The wallpaper was peeling off the walls in places. The furniture was old and rough. They would have been considered poor by today’s standards but I don’t think they ever knew they were poor. They just lived the simple life. They did not have a mortgage payment, no credit card bills, no furniture payments, and no water bill. I do not think they had a car payment either by the looks of that old truck that papaw drove.

When papaw took us places in his old truck, we would drive for miles with the signal light on. It would drive me crazy but I do not think he ever realized it. Red lights and stop signs were a nuisance for papaw. He would drive right through them. Once, he drove through one and almost got us hit by another car. They blew their horn and made, not so nice, hand motions. He just looked over at me, laughed and said, “Some people just don’t know how to drive.”

Papaw didn’t waste a lot of memory on grandkids names. He just called all the boys, brother and the girls, sister. It was just easier that way for him. He did call his kids names but I am not sure that he got them right most of the time.

Before papaw died, he and mamaw moved into a new place beside one of his daughters. Mamaw had fallen and was crippled, and needed to be near one of their kids for the daily assistance. Their new home was right beside of the road, unlike the secluded place they had before. As dad and I drove by one day, we realized how hard old habits are to break. Papaw was standing on the porch doing number one, without giving a thought to all the traffic that was driving by, seeing more than they wanted too!

I still remember the last conversation I had with papaw before he died. We sat together for probably two hours, as he shared with me the stories of when he was in the war. I sat in rapt attention to every detail. I was fascinated. That was the last real conversation I had with papaw. I cannot even remember the details now but I do remember that special moment.

After papaw died, I learned that none of his kids would have ever starved to death. It was not because he left a lot of money, he didn’t, but he had a closet full food. When he would catch something on sale, he would buy it in abundance. He had bags of sugar and flour, cans and more cans of food, and all kinds of staple items. I realized then where all that stuff papaw would bring to the house came from. His closet!

I learned from papaw that we could live on much less if we had to. If you had told papaw he was poor, he probably would have disagreed. He lived the simple life. He had the necessities of life and a big family who loved him. I am much richer today because of my papaw. He didn’t have money or fine things to leave his grandkids but we are rich in memories and simple life lessons. I miss my papaw and I am so thankful I had him in my life. Money can’t buy the riches I gained from him. Don’t forget to slow down and enjoy the people in your life. There, you will find great riches!

Sharing My Riches With You,

Bud

I love to write stories that may make people laugh. Laughter is healthy. A proverb says that laughter is like good medicine. I have also learned that the difficult times in life are the ones that deepen us. They force us to decide what we believe about God and life. They seem to be defining moments in our life. I will share one such defining moment in my life.

Not long after Carla and I were married, her sister’s four year old, son, Little Lev was, diagnosed with leukemia. From the time he was, diagnosed, we made many trips to Charlottesville Virginia to the hospital. The chemo treatments left him sick which made the four or five, hour trip home seem like twelve. It felt like a nightmare but it was very real. There is not enough time or memory to tell you everything about those days but in the midst of the terrible times were some great ones too.

He liked to hang out with me when I would go to various churches to minister. I can remember putting a chair next to me where he would stand as I shared a message from the Bible. Between church, fun and play there were emergency room trips that frightened the life out of us. Even in the midst of the pain and sickness, that little boy knew how to squeeze the best out of life.

The ups, downs, good and bad lasted four years. The leukemia had been remission and things were starting to look good. The shocker came when after four years of this horrible battle, he went out of remission and the leukemia was active again. It took its toll this time and this time he would not be able to fight it.

I can remember the day he died, like, it was yesterday. A brokenhearted mom and dad, grandparents, and Carla and I stood by his bedside. The only one that seemed to be at peace with what was happening was, Little Lev. I believe God gave him a glimpse of his new home, because he began to describe the beauty of a place that he was seeing that we did not. A few seconds later, he took his last breath on earth. I can only imagine how fully alive he was at that moment with the Lord in that beautiful place that he had just seen.

We all stood there for a few minutes, sometimes crying and sometimes just in disbelief. My heart broke for his mom and dad. My heart broke for the grandparents and for my wife. My heart ached for me. The moment we all had hoped would never come, came.

After a few minutes, I walked down to the chapel in the hospital and cried for a while. I was very angry with God and I let Him know it. I asked God all the why questions, pounded my fist on the floor and cried. It was absolutely the most gut, wrenching thing that I had ever faced.

As I sat and cried, a verse of scripture came to my mind. I had read it a thousand times but this time it seemed to be different. It was personal. It was a verse from Proverbs that says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”

It is difficult for our human minds to wrap around the reality of God, who is all knowing, all wise, and not bound by time or space. He sees the beginning of our life and the end of our earthly life at once. We have to come to a basic understanding that God is a good God, then, we must trust. I learned that day that faith is not getting God to do what I want Him to do, but trusting Him to know what is best, even when I cannot see it. He does not ask us to understand but to trust.

My faith in God is deeper today because of that experience. Life can be scary when circumstances beyond our ability to control, roll into our lives. It would be even more, scary if we were able to control the circumstances of our life with our limited ability to see the future. My faith is different now. My faith is in God and not in my ability to get God to do what I want Him to do. He is a good God and He knows everything, past, present and future. When I pray, I pray to a good God who knows all and I trust Him. Sometimes He answers yes, sometimes wait, and sometimes no, but whatever the answer I have learned to trust. It is difficult at times and at times painful but His answer is always right.

If you are facing a time in your life that you do not understand and it hurts like crazy, here is a little advice. Start with the truth that God is a good God. Second, realize He sees things in the future that you and I cannot see. Third, know that He is perfectly wise. Fourth, trust Him. This life is only temporary. What He has in store for us after this earthly life is beyond our ability to imagine. He will give us grace to face today, hope for tomorrow and eternity after this life. Sometimes it is easy to get so engulfed in this earthly life that we forget that the best is yet to come.

Rest in knowing that the deep pains and brokenness we face only dig deeper places in our lives for Him to fill with Himself. The things we would change if we could may only bring greater heartache in the future. He wants the best for your life and only He fully knows what that is. You may not understand right now but He does. Trust Him! I believe one day He will answer your why questions and then you and I will say, “I understand now!” Until then, trust Him fully. When, everything in you wants to doubt him…trust Him. After all, He is God and is much wiser than we are.

That defining moment in my life happened many years ago. It was once full of pain and heartache but now His peace and many fond memories have taken the place of the pain. Its okay and I will see Little Lev again, thanks to Jesus!

With a Heart Full of Love for You,

Bud

I love stories about the funny things that happen in church. I remember preaching in a little church in Virginia and having a man share about something that had happened in that church. It was one of those churches, where people would get out of their seat and start shouting and rejoicing. The rejoicing usually revolved around a song that touched their heart. There was a funny thing that happened in this particular church and the man that told me about it said it really happened.

One Sunday morning, as usual, everyone gathered, took their seat, and waited for the service to start. There was one woman that everyone counted on to take her round shouting and rejoicing. She was an aged woman and songs about heaven seemed to move her. The service started and the singing began. Everyone waited for Mabel to get wound up and get the excitement started. No one knew what the excitement was really going to be on this day though, especially the man seated near her.

The song, “Never Grow Old” was kicking in. That did it! It was all Mabel could do to sit still. When they hit the part that said, “In a land where we’ll never grow old,” Mabel jumped to her feet (as well as an 85 year old woman can jump) and started shouting. She was giving it all she had. She could not stand still any longer so she began her journey out to the center isle.

Mr. Zipper was not paying much attention to what was going on in the service. He looked down and realized his zipper, on his pants was unzipped, so he started to zipp-em up. About the time he was zipping, Mabel zipped by him. Mr. Zipper caught Mabel’s dress in his zipper. “What in the world do I do now?” thought Mr. Zipper. He did not want to make a scene or embarrass Mabel, so with quick thinking, he just jumped up behind her and followed her. Pretending to rejoice with her, he had one hand raised, and the other was trying to get the dress unstuck. I think he probably was using the old magician trick of using one hand to get the attention of the audience while the other hand secretly did something else. He was trying to create the illusion that he was rejoicing while he tried to free himself.

After following Mabel around, very closely, for a minute or two, which must have felt like an eternity, Mr. Zipper was finally free! His illusion of rejoicing subsided and he went back to his seat. I don’t know if Mabel ever found out what happened that Sunday at church. If she did, she never told anyone, and she continued to take her round of rejoicing every Sunday until she went home to be with her Lord.

Mr. Zipper learned a lesson that day that we men should never forget. Pay attention and keep your zipper closed, or you could find yourself in trouble with another woman, even in church. Now go out there and have a great day!!!

With Love for You All,

Bud