When I was in my early twenties, a friend asked me to fill in for him as a gospel DJ in his absence. I had never done anything like that before but I was up for the challenge. That was back in the days when the advertisements were on things that looked like eight track tapes and the music was on records. I did not realize what a task it would be.

On my first day, I was spinning records, playing advertisements, and acting as if I knew what I was doing. The DJ that I was filling in for had a set audience that listened to him every day and they liked a certain kind of music. I decided it was time to change things up a little. I started spinning some, more, upbeat music. That did not go over so well. What I did not realize was that I was not going to pick up a new audience by filling in occasionally. All I was going to do was infuriate the audience he already had, and I did. That was my first mistake and he talked to me about it.

They told me that in certain spots I had to give the call letters of the station on air. It went something like this: “You are listening to WNVA, AM 1350, Norton, Wise and Coeburn.” That did not make sense to me since the radio station was located in Wise. Why not say “Wise, Norton and Coeburn?” So, I did! After the first couple of times, I got a visit from the radio station manager. He told me that I had to say it the way they told me because of FCC rules. That was my second mistake and he talked to me about that too.

I found out the hard way that you could actually sit in the studio and hear music but if you did not hit the button, the listeners heard dead air. I went through an entire song while the audience thought the radio station had shut down. Along with giving the audience dead air, I also gave them some off speed music that sounded like the chipmunks singing. Have you ever heard a quartet that sounded like Mickey Mouse and Company? That radio audience did several times. Those were my third and fourth mistakes and yes, he talked to me about those too.

The last time he had to talk to me was over talking too much on the radio. I had worked up a good DJ voice and I wanted to use it. If I was going to be a famous DJ, I had to get some practice in and I figured this was the place to do it. I took every chance I got. He told me to stop talking and play music. Another mistake for the Budster!

Over time, I learned how to do it there way. I also learned that there was a reason they did what they did the way they did it. It was a good experience for me but I decided, after a few months, that being a DJ was not my deal. I will tell you though that it was an adventure and an opportunity that I am glad that I jumped on.

There are adventures waiting out there for us. If we wait until we are experts on something before we do it, we probably will not do much. Have you found that there is an opportunity out there for you but the fear of making a mistake or failing keeps you from going for it? Do not hold back any longer. Go for it! So what if you make a mistake or fail (unless you are a doctor of airplane mechanic). It will not be the end of the world. God created us in a way that we are able to learn and adapt. You will get the hang of it after a while.

Maybe you have dreamed of doing something different with your life but you remain in a boring, dead end situation because you are afraid. Fear not! My career as a DJ was brief. I became pretty good at it after a while but learned that being a DJ was not for me. I learned some good life lessons and met some nice people though. I have also been able to tell my kids that I was a DJ once. Do not let fear hold you back any longer. You will need some good stories to tell you kids one day!

A couple months ago, I received a phone call from a friend that I had not seen in years. I met him some 22 years ago. Since then he had gotten married, had children and had become a pastor. The last time I had talked to him was probably 15 years ago so we enjoyed catching up on the phone. He called to invite me to speak at his church. I agreed and took down the name of the church, directions and phone numbers and told him I would see him then. I marked my calendar for May 17, 2009 at 6:00pm.

It was about 5:00pm and time to head toward Castlewood but as usual, we were a little late leaving. On the way, Carla asked me if I had directions. My first thought was, Oh no!” I had left all the information on my desk and my desk was a twenty-minute drive in the wrong direction, which would have put us forty minutes behind. Since going to get the stuff from my desk was not an option, I played it cool.

Now, being the positive person that I am, I told Carla that it was not a problem and I was sure I could find the church. She said, “What is the name of the church?” My next thought was, “Oh no!” I told her that I didn’t know the name of the church. She said, “You don’t know the name of the church you are speaking at?” I said, “No but how many churches can there be in Castlewood, besides I know it is past the High School.”

I told her to get my cell phone and look for the pastor’s cell number for I was sure that I had saved his number in my phone in case I got lost. She looked and it was not there. I thought, “Oh no!” I guess I had forgotten to put it in. She immediately went in to her speech about how I needed to carry an organizer and keep important information like that in it. I avoided the subject and went straight to how hectic the day had been. It worked because she never came back to the organizer conversation.

We got into Castlewood with about three minutes to spare. I found the High School and since that was the only thing I could remember, we drove by it, looking for a church. I was hoping that when I saw the name of it, I would have one of those, “Ah ha, I remember now” moments. As we continued on the road, looking everywhere, she asked me if any of the streets sounded familiar. I saw a road called Trout Pond Road and turned left on it. She said, “Does that sound familiar?” I said, “I’m not sure if it sounds familiar or if it is just that I would like to be fishing right now.” The church was not on Trout Pond Road.

At that point, we were running ten minutes late. Carla said, “Why don’t you find a market and ask somebody?” What was I going to ask, “Could you tell me where the church is that I am supposed to be at, by the way, I don’t know the name of it?” This was like trying to find a needle in a haystack. I drove back to the main road, found a pizza joint and went in. I asked the guy at the counter if there were any churches up the road by the High School. It was obvious that he was not the church finder expert so he called his co-worker out to deal with me.

The other pizza guy said, “What’s the name of the church?” I said, “I don’t know.” He said, “What street is it on?” I said, “I don’t know.” He said, “Looks like you are out of luck.” I said, “It does appear that way but we can figure this out.” I asked him for a phone book and politely gave it to me. After I made it past the pizza sauce and cheese all over the front of the book, I looked in the yellow pages for churches. I found one that looked familiar. I said, “I think this is it.” He said, “What is the number?”

He called the number and told the person on the other end that he had a man there who was lost and looking for a church. What church wouldn’t jump on that? The pizza guy looked at me and said, “Are you Buzz Bellamy?” I said, “Close enough, that’s the church.” He gave me directions and we were on our way. We arrived late but we arrived.

Buzz Bellamy spoke at Rejoice Church on Rejoice Lane that night as far as the pizza guy knew.

Bud’s Thoughts: When you find that things are not quite going as planned you will either, choose to stay calm or stress out. Staying calm will help you keep your head in the game. By staying calm and keeping my head in the game, I was able to work through a process to find where we were supposed to be. Staying calm will also help those around you to stay calm. Carla was as calm as a cucumber because she trusted that I would eventually get us where we were supposed to be. After almost 26 years of marriage, she knows that we usually take the scenic route by accident, but we do get there. She has learned to relax more over the years and I have learned to accept that I will hear the “Organizer” speech, but in the end, we will arrive at our destination.

Carla’s Thoughts: Get an organizer!

Have you ever been disappointed? Sure, you have! We all have at one time or another. Maybe you have been disappointed in a friend, your spouse, one or more of your children, an employer or co-worker, or maybe even God. It is part of life. When someone makes a decision that we do not like or agree with, it is possible to feel a deep sense of disappointment. I remember a time that I was disappointed and put my family through a deeply emotional moment of fear.

Once when I was around seven years old, my mom and dad had gone somewhere and my mamaw was staying with me at my house until their return. I always loved to stay with her because she was so much fun. She played stuff that made being a kid a blast. I remember many times sitting in a parked car with her as we pretended to travel all over the country. She always let me drive which was a big deal for a little boy. Of course, it was pretend drive but it was cool.

Often we would walk through the woods together turning over rocks looking for frogs, lizards, bugs, and snakes. I remember once we were walking our usual path in the woods and came upon a snake. Mamaw picked up a rock and told me to do the same. We pummeled that copperhead to death. That’s a cool granny!

On this occasion, I had something else in mind that I wanted to do. I wanted to go across the road to my friend’s house to play. Mamaw would not allow it. I was very disappointed because she didn’t go along with my idea. I got mad and decided to hide. I had a tendency to hide from everyone when I was disappointed or upset. I think they call it going somewhere to pout.

I remember once, as a boy, getting a haircut that I hated. I respond by going out and climbing on top of a little barn with a bag over my head. Of course, I waited to put the bag over my head after I climbed up there because I wouldn’t have been able to see otherwise. I must have been a good pouter. If I had only known that I would one day be bald, I would have appreciated having enough hair to dislike a haircut.

Back to the story at hand… I was mad at mamaw because things did not go the way I wanted it to so I looked for a place to hide and pout. I decided to hide behind a big chair we had sitting in the corner of the living room. It was probably a normal size chair but seemed big to a little boy. I hid behind that chair and cried until I fell sleep.

While I was sleeping mamaw was looking everywhere for me yelling my name. Mom and dad returned home to find that I was missing. The entire family joined the hunt. They checked my friend’s house but they didn’t find me. They looked in the woods but I was not there. They looked throughout the house but no Bud. They were all worried to death and in a panic. Mamaw was blaming herself for letting me get out of her sight. The rush of thoughts, none of which was good, passed through their minds. Fearful emotions gripped their hearts.

Finally, someone looked behind the chair and there was little Bud sleeping away. I was totally unaware of what I had just put them through. After their exuberance of finding me alive and unharmed, they let me have it. I wondered how they could go from happy to mad in such a short time. At the time, I wished they had left it with the happy part. I got a “talking to” and it was a serious one. My hiding and pouting had hurt my family. In my disappointment over a decision made for my good, I reacted and hurt the people I love.

May I ask you a question? Are you hiding and pouting because you are disappointed? I have discovered over the years that grownups hide and pout different from kids. We grownups hide, not behind chairs, but behind little walls that we erect in our hearts and minds. We should know that the emotional trauma to the people we love is the same or maybe worse. They can see our bodies but they feel the rejection in their hearts. When we hide and pout we are totally unaware of the damage we are doing to family.

May I ask another question? Why are you hiding from the people that you love? What has disappointed and hurt you so bad that you have chosen to pout and hide behind the wall you have built? Do you know that while you are hiding, the people you love are hurting? Are you hiding from God because He did not do what you thought He should have? Are you hiding from a friend that told you something you needed to hear but it hurt hearing it? Are you hiding from a spouse or parent that has disappointed you?

May I offer a word of advice? Life is too short to hide and pout. Every moment is precious and every moment spent hiding behind your wall is a moment you will never regain. Do not be fooled into thinking that because people can see you they don’t know you are hiding. Their hearts feel every painful minute of it. Learning to live a “Pout Free – Hide Free” life has been a liberating thing for me and it will be for you too. Love the people in your life like there is no tomorrow because one day there may not be.

Years ago, we had some friends that went camping every year. They talked about how much fun it was and it seemed to be a real bonding experience for their family. They also talked about how inexpensive it was, compared to a trip to the beach. All of that sounded good so my wife and I decided that the Beverly family was going camping. I gathered the kids in the living room and told them that our vacation was going to be a camping vacation. They were so excited! I talked to my sister about her family going and they were on board too. We were going camping!

Since we were not real campers yet, we didn’t have all the gear needed to do camping right. This meant a trip to the camping section at Wal-Mart. I was like a kid in a candy store. I wanted one of everything. I made the mistake of assuming we were going to become real campers so I bought a ton of gear. It was a rookie move but I was a rookie. By the grin on the woman’s face at the checkout counter, she knew I was a rookie.

We decided to go to a campground near a lake so I rounded up a boat. A friend told us that he would pull his boat there for us, unload it and tie it off next to our campsite, then pick it up at the end of the week. It was all coming together and I was getting excited about this trip. I began to daydream for a moment, imagining beautiful weather, fishing, relaxing in the shade, sleeping under the stars (in a tent), cooking over the campfire, playing with the kids, and playing cards and telling stories in the cool night air. It was going to be five nights of awesomeness!

The day of departure came. We merged the two families together and headed out for the adventure. On the way our daughter Kayla got terribly car sick and threw up in the car. We cleaned it up as best we could and drove the rest of the way with the windows down. We arrived at our destination and found the only spot we could find by the lake. It was not a good campsite site but it was the best we could find. We unloaded our gear and from that point on, my daydream turned into a nightmare.

I wanted to get the tent up and get that little task out of the way but I could not find a piece of ground that didn’t have rocks and roots’ sticking up. I finally settled on a spot  and began to assemble the tent. I spent the next two hours assembling a tent that was only supposed to take ten minutes. By the time we got the campsite together, it was too late to do anything else and my patience had worn thin.

I decided to try to relax a little before calling it a night but I had become a mosquito magnet. Those little blood suckers were wearing me out. Along with that, our two year old son Joshua (at the time) was magnetically drawn to the lake so there was not a minutes rest. I came to the conclusion that relaxing was not going to happen but tomorrow would be a better day. It was time to call it a night.

We climbed into the tent. Remember, it was set on sloping ground so when our slippery sleeping bag’s hit that slippery tent floor, it was more like a slide than a tent.  We all climbed into our sleeping bags and slid to the lower end of the tent and pulled ourselves back up. That went on all night long. Along with that, no matter where we laid down, we were on rock’s or root’s.  It was hard to be positive, but I tried and told them that tomorrow would be a better day.

During the night it poured the rain and the water pooled up at the foot of the tent.  We all tried to stay at the upper end of the tent to keep dry but our sleeping bag’s kept sliding down into the water. My feet were in the water most of the night. Add to that, the new puppy we took with us cried all night long. I wanted to ring the person’s neck that got us into this mess but that person was “Me.”

Finally, morning came and the rain had stopped. We climbed out of our tent to find that we were squishing around in the red clay that Tennessee is overly, blessed with. It was a mess. I mean a real mess!  I had to try to make the best of it so I decided to build a fire to cook some breakfast. Have you ever tried to build a fire with soaking wet wood? I could smell bacon cooking but it was from the camper next door because you can’t cook bacon without heat and there would be no heat because, THE WOOD WAS WET!

I thought to myself, “We could be standing on the balcony of a Condo at the beach right now but we were not because I had this bright idea of bonding at the campground.” It had not been a bonding experience and we definitely had not saved money either after all I had spent buying camping gear that we eventually sold, in a yard sale.

To make matters worse, we were camping beside some professional campers. They sat in front of their “Camper” under an awning, drinking coffee and eating breakfast in the dry while being entertained by the rookie campers beside them. We were the rookies!

We called a meeting of the two families after our first night and decided to leave. We had discovered that we were not campers. I called the friend that loaned us his boat and asked him if he minded picking it up earlier than expected. He asked how much earlier and I said, “As soon as you can get here.” He laughed when I told him the story and agreed to head that way. We all went to my mom and dads and enjoyed the rest of our vacation.

I learned something that day. One person’s fun may be another person’s misery. For the life of me, I cannot understand why anyone would want to go camping but many do and love it. God made us each uniquely different. Discover what it is that your family enjoys and do it!

Do you have any regrets? Probably! I think most of us have some things that we wish we had done differently. It could be one or more of many things. Maybe you regret how you have handled finances, marriage, career, relationships, or your spiritual life. In all of those, I see things I wish I had done differently. Some are regrets and some I could have done better with but may not reach the depth of regret. There is usually a point in life where we look back and begin to evaluate the life we have lived and the choices we made. That evaluation can bring joy or sorrow. We either, feel good about the choices we have made or we regret them but it is our choice.

As a pastor and life coach, I have the opportunity to hear people talk about regrets where their kids are concerned. Regrets where our children are concerned run deep within our hearts. We only get one go around to raise our kids and if we squander that opportunity, there are no re-do’s. Parenting is a tough job. Knowing what to do with the myriad of decisions that we must make as parents is a daunting task but it comes with being a parent.

I learned a tough lesson as a young father that kept me from living my life with regrets where my kids are concerned. I was a young pastor in my early thirties, eager to be the best pastor I could be. In the traditional church, that meant being everything to everybody. I worked day and night. The churches numerical growth and people telling me what a good job I was doing just fed my obsession to be Super Pastor. I was either working away from home or on the phone dishing out counsel (that most people ignored anyway) when I was at home. Even when I was physically in the house, my kids often did not have my undivided attention, but something was about to change all that.

One evening, like so many others, I sat talking on the phone counseling someone through a problem. It was my second call of the evening and it was nearing the kid’s bedtime. When I got off the phone, Kayla, my youngest daughter said, “Dad, are we going to have to call you to get to talk with you.” That absolutely broke my heart. I had fallen into the same trap that so many others fall into, and one that I had vowed never to do to my kids. That was a tipping point for me, a defining moment! The decision I made after that moment would allow me to live my life without regrets where my kids are concerned.

I came to realize that people, will come and go. They will love you when you are doing what they want and hate you when you don’t. Jobs will come and go. Material things will come and go. However, your kids will always be your kids. As a parent, you have something that only you can give to your kids and that is the love and attention of a mother or father.

I am not saying that I have always done it right or have always made the right decisions, but I can say that my kids have had and will always have a place of priority in my life. We don’t have a lot of things. If I died right now, I would leave very little behind in terms of material things to them but the one thing they will have is the memory that their dad loved them with all his heart and showed it with time, attention and counsel.

When we started the church that I now pastor, it was crazy and required a lot of long days and nights. But even with that, I knew that it would be for a brief season, not a way of life. Sometimes seasons of busyness is unavoidable. However, they must be brief and in those seasons, we still must keep our kids in a place of priority. I believe kids would rather have their mom or dad in a loving relationship with them than to have all the goodies and gadgets that our world has to offer. The older they get the more they will understand that.

I learned a long time ago that using the word NO can save your family. Some people will consume your energy and make you feel like a rock star doing it, and then they are gone. Saying no to someone may result in a frown from them, but a smile and nod of validation from both your heavenly Father and your kids. I no longer need the validation of people to feel good about myself. I do not try to be everything to everyone. I cannot be God and neither do I desire to be. I refuse to be caught up in the fanfare and rat race of society at the expense of my kids. If I say no to you, it is not because I do not love you; it is because I love my kids and my wife. I want to be a “Rock Star” to my kids and that is enough for me. I can see God smiling at that!

My family is large now. There are still five of us but we take up much more room in a car than we did a few years ago. The ages of my kids are 24, 21, and 16. We still love to pile in a car and do life together, though it is a little more uncomfortable now.  The other day, on our way to Virginia for a wedding, one of the kids asked, “Do normal families with kids our ages still cram into a car and go places together?” I am not even sure what normal looks like but I am glad that my kids still like to hang out with their mom and dad! It feels good at 47 years old to be able to look back and have no regrets with my kids. I want to be a “Rock Star” to my kids! I love you Nikki, Kayla and Joshua!